Warning Signs of Excessive Obsession
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Warning Signs of Excessive Obsession

Are you making him the center of your life that you are already starting to overlook some things in your life? If you're exerting so much time and energy to please the wrong guy, you're wasting yourself away.

According to a psychologist and author of The Many Sides of Human Behavior excessive obsession is a consuming preoccupation with the object of your love, to the extent of neglecting other people, interest and responsibilities that make up your life.  A moderate level of obsession love simply means you're thoughtful about the relationship and sensitive to the other person's feelings.

But if some obsession is okay, how much is too much?  Where do you draw the line?  Recognizing when you've crossed the line from healthy to excessive obsession is doubly difficult when you're caught in the midst of a tumultuous affair.  You can survey the overall pattern of a stormy romance by determining how intensely you're obsessed with your man.

There's a warning signs that show you have let obsession love go too far and the man you love probably is not the right one for you.  You start wrapping your life around the man, frantic to make him love you.  But when love makes you anxious, you tend to lose all sense of how you're being treated.  As you invest more and more of yourself in this man, you can easily blind yourself to the little clues that the relationship is hurting your heart or this man isn't to be trusted added the psychologist.

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Signs that say your man is not the right one for you:

  • He doesn't want to see you talking to another man who is ten feet away.
  • He always interrupts when you talk.  He would only listen to you when he feels he like it.
  • He wouldn't easily forgive you when you're done or said something wrong.  In fact, he'll always remind you of that mistake even if a month or so has passed.
  • Whenever he has done something wrong, he is quick to defend himself until you'll feel guilty for ever having to point out that he has offended you.  He is an expert in making you say 'sorry' for every fight you've had.
  •  He doesn't want your friend to know that you're having a fight.  He believes it would adversely affect your friends perception of him and that would be bad for his ego.
  • He loves seeing you begging for his mercy.
  • He is quick to criticize you or your language, clothes, job, grades- even choice of friends.
  • He believes you'll be so sorry without him and in fact, you can't live without him.

Are the signs familiar?  Are you making him the center of your life that you are already starting to overlook some things in yours?  If you're exerting so much time and energy to please the wrong man, you're wasting yourself away.  The best thing to do is to leave him- that would certainly hurt his ego and make him realize his mistake at the same time says a psychologist.

Following is a step-by-step plan to keep you from walking away from your man and get him out of your mind, shared from a psychologist:

  1.  Write him a long letter.  Details all the ways he has hurt you and has treated you poorly.  Don't mail the letter, keep it.  Whenever you're tempted to call him, read the letter instead.

  2. Face facts.  Recognize there's no way you can force him to love you more, and he has already proven he's unwilling or unable to do that.
  3. Think about him a lot.  If despite your best efforts, you simply can't stop thinking about him, set aside a 30-minute "obsession time" once a day, when you must think about him.  By forcing yourself to think about him, you may find that thinking just becomes boring.
  4. Think of yourself five years from now.  Think of yourself still with him, struggling with same old problems with no change in your relationship.  As you give up the belief that you can force this man to love you, you'll undoubtedly experience some grief but in the end, giving up on excessive obsession frees you to move on.

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Comments (7)

There are some good points here. We see obsessions a lot in violent relationships. Thanks for spreading the word.

All obsession is detrimental to personal growth. By definition, obsession equates with "excess." What you're describing here is immaturity founded in insecurity.

Good warnings.

Yes, good

This is an excellent article. Great suggestions.

I have a little different situation . I had a life long friend who is no longer a friend. Let me start with she and my husband had & may still be having an affair. She is also married, I met my husband through them. He is my, now husband. I can't begin to tell you how hard it has been to get through this mess. What they put me through is cruel to say the least. It near distroyed me . Now I look back on my friendship & see things I didn't see before.Ever since we were kids she always seemed to be a careing friend. Now looking back I realize she always did what i did. She went out with my boy friend whom I had a child with. Years later. She befriends another man I broke up with & becomes very close so much so that when he passed she told me he loved her too. Now I am  married & she becomes extremily close with my husband. I knew he was cheating... it took me months to beleive it was her, even when everything lead back to her. I bought an arbor... she bought an arbor... I talked about putting up a pugala... she put up a purgala... My husband & I were doing some work on our kitchen... she put in a whole new kitchen..We put in french doors to the sunroom... she put in a new door to her sunroom. I liked a perticular tree I pointed out one day ... she got that tree for her yard...I said I wanted to get a breast inhancement & a tummy tuck... she got a breast inhancement & a tummy tuck. It would take far too long to go through it all. I don't know how it took me so long to see what she was doing. Is she obsessed with me ? Him? I can't help but think she will hang on to this affair just because of me, am I wrong? Here's the really crazy part if it could get any crazier. The affair started when we were both 64 years old. we are now 70 years old. I am still in the marriage but have lost my independance. How do I get back my life & how do I get her out of it? 

WTF. Why are the references all towards men being obsessive? I'm looking for help b/c my significant other shows signs of obsession and this article seems more like male bashing. Both sexes can suffer from obsessive behaviors and I would hope that "an expert in Relationship Psychology " would not take sides based on gender but rather aid both parties in a struggling relationship. Therapists should give both parties tools to deal with problems that can effect the whole family or relationship.