Mental Problems Fat Single Women Face: Sexual Frustration is Causing Their Weight Problem
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Mental Problems Fat Single Women Face: Sexual Frustration is Causing Their Weight Problem

How sexual frustration can cause overweight by women. Why the sexual needs of fat women are denied.

Many of us long for the lifetime commitment to start a family. But for some this might remain just a dream. Yes, people fall in love, but those feelings are not always mutual.

We all have this kind of picture perfect of an ideal partner in mind. Most people do not fit in and we might like them as friends, but we do not feel like committing to them romantically.

Now when you meet somebody that really sets your heart on fire, but this person does not want you, this is hard for all of us, but if this happens to you every time this feeling strikes you, is becomes tragic.

When you are fat and female and do not have to money to attract a partner, it becomes double hard.

Many settle down with second choice. Take what you can get and make the best of it. Perfect relationships do not exist, but if a relationship with second best also does not work out, being single again can be double though.

For women there is an extra problem: they have a biological clock. If they really like to have a family and kids, but no man wants them, it is double hard once they are over thirty.

Many of them become depressed and might get addiction problems, to fill in the lack of not having a partner. Some start drinking, others get eating disorders, but in the end many also commit suicide. Yes, the weight problem might be caused by the frustration of being alone.

That is the problem: many men are so shallow, that they only see the outside of a woman.

Many women try diet after diet, but become yoyos and end up more overweight in the end, since they stop loving themselves. It is hard to love yourself when nobody else does.

It is hard to get comments about your looks all the time. Getting rejected and having nobody to hold, makes the need for comfort eating higher.

Now you can tell this women how they need to lose weight. Most likely they know the caloric value count better than anybody and they are often motivated to lose weight, but to frustrated to do so.

Their real problem is sexual frustration and unfulfilled intimate desires. They might like and love a man, but that feeling is seldom mutual.

Yes, many men do not like fat women and will easily turn them down. Some men might like fat women, but that does not mean the woman also liked them. This is already so with normal looking women, but even harder for overweight ones.

That is also why many single women who do lose weight after surgery also do gain weight again, by getting different addictions. Their real problem is not solved. They might have their ideal weight, but they still long for a partner.

Instead of giving that money to a doctor, they could better have hired a gigolo. Yes,paid sex might still be better than remaining frustrated and it might raise their selves-esteem.

Single overweight women are often sexually denied and eating is often a way to get rid of their frustration. If there is no man to hold, there is still a candy bar.

It is also proven that chocolate offers sex related pleasure hormones. So many women just grow fat because they do not get laid and instead of just blaming them, also look at what society is like today: sex is being promoted everywhere and is easy to get when you have the money or the looks, but not when you are poor, lack the looks and might have the heart to commit.

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Comments (6)

Great article,well written.I do hope people/woman feeling this way especially contiplating suicide...PLEASE share with friends or family!Nothing is worth that.Fall in love with yourself, practice a mantra of positive thoughts and goals.Mind over matter and You Will get what you so desire and seek.Try it and see,visualize daily what you want and say it(Mantra) in meditation constantly!Falling in love people look great,they lose weight and if you fall in love w/yourself..you will see what I mean.Positve attracts positive!:)

CA

Very glad to see someone blogging about this issue. Yes, our culture is extremely youth-oriented, and strongly biased towards lean physiques. To be fair, other cultures and time periods have supported, to differing degrees, the same biases, to the disadvantage of those who don't exhibit such coveted characteristics. I’ve read the work of scientists who believe that, separate from the moral/emotional questions underlying this bias, it is nevertheless “natural” for individuals to compete for the most sexually appealing of their group. If this should be true, it would be a given that many would feel frustrated for having, as they perceive, “settled,” or worse, because they have not found an outlet for their natural drives. Frankly it is this claim of the scientists of human behavior, and all it encompasses, that most frightens me, as I have never come upon a reliable model for overcoming basic animal drives. You pointed out that, frustrated at not being able to get what they crave, many turn to other outlets which become unhealthful because they act as substitutes for a yearning that persists but which is never satisfied. Fueling the fire, the ubiquity of our Western media, with its merciless preoccupation with perfection, creates an often oppressive atmosphere for the average--as if being "average" equated to being a failure. God help the less-than-average.

It's sad that despite the plethora of reputable studies that demonstrate both our drive for intimacy and the health advantages intimacy confers, the "experts" continue to lecture people who're unsuccessful at fulfilling this powerful human drive that (1) it's their responsibility to change their circumstances (they hadn’t thought of that already, supposedly), and (2) it's quite natural and popular to lead a happy, productive, sexless life. These experts point out that many people engage in the latter all the time. I certainly respect that there are people who rather eschew sex; but referencing them when dealing with those who do not wish this seems at the least illogical, and beyond, irresponsible. The saddest, however, is your assertion that many chronically sexually/intimacy frustrated humans commit suicide eventually. The empiricists among us would question that assertion, demanding statistical corroboration. From a scientific perspective, they are right to do so. But I feel as confident as I do about nearly anything else that you are correct. Professional, intellectual, and humanitarian fulfillment (among the sea of things that do enrich our lives) do not, for many, displace the yearning for trustful intimate companionship--a yearning that as the years fly by may become overwhelming, rather than dissipate.

You also mention that some who pay for traditional therapeutic intervention might be better served seeking the help of escorts. I believe you are correct, again, for some. However, there is a very important caveat to this. Intimacy involves far more than physical manipulation. There is an emotional component many escorts are incapable of providing or disinclined to provide. Worse, many escorts’ starkly utilitarian conduct may exacerbate the very feelings of isolation and the perception of social revulsion from which those seeking them out may be acutely suffering. I read years back about professional sex therapists; they were all located, not surprisingly, overseas, but their websites, the two or three dozen I looked at, uniformly transcended professionalism. They were consummately tasteful and sought to ameliorate the emotional pain that bring many to them in the first place. These women and men were nurtures, not just sex workers. If such were available widely and affordably, then this might address effectively the deeply scarring consequences a sexless/intimacy-devoid life can bring about.

Lastly, you pointed out, and I have never seen it put better, "It is hard to love yourself when nobody else does." A profound statement. It speaks to the corrosive effects of childhood bullying that in adulthood transforms into a brutal indifference, or even as the slew of Internet related bullying recently has brought to light, emotional violence perpetrated from behind the ethereal safety of the computer screen. Your statement also challenges the vapid counsel often given those unsuccessful at finding intimacy—those who are told first to love themselves, or to be confident, as if thoughts alone suffice to change the perceptions, the biases, the values of their communities.

I do not know how to solve this problem. Of paramount importance in our culture is the idea of autonomy. We are all personally free, so long as we do not break the law, to treat one another as we see fit. I’m not naïve enough to believe that the past held the answers—that yesterday was necessarily better. But the ubiquity of the Internet and the rise of social networking, again from the safety of one’s ether-space, appear to be evolving traditional values of mutual civility to more self-oriented values—maybe because it is easier to do now what has always been in our nature to do. Please let me know if you find an answer. In the meantime, I have a vegan chocolate bar to get to…

kf

I love this article and the latest comment. I'm really struggling with this. And want to pass along that it really doesn't necessarily matter what size you are. I'm maybe 15 to 20 lbs overweight but not so as to be considered unattractive and am wrestling with the same issue. In fact I have the worst time with the weight because it's like protective. If I ever do succeed in losing weight I get frustrated when again I face rejection and 'loneliness' for lack of a better word, then just end up putting the weight back on which frustrates me to no end as sensitive as I am to the health effects on my knees, arteries etc... i will continue my internet search on ways to deal with the frustration not sure ithat taking things into my own hands so to speak isn't making things worse rather than better.

I loved this. As an overweight girl myself, I can identify with everything. What bothers me is that I can't go around making racial remarks, but yet it has become completely acceptable to discriminate someone because of their weight. Granted, I won't make racial remarks anyway, but you know what I mean. I love the honesty here.

Tasha

Eh. This article is mediocre at best. Not all women that are overweight have low self-esteem or need a man to validate their beauty and worthiness. Yes, men are superficial and can overlook another woman based on appearance. But when you have low self-esteem, at any weight that shines through more than anything else.

Taking pride in your womanhood, dressing yourself in something that makes you feel sexy, put on some lipgloss that accentuates your natural beauty, put on those heels so you can feel the natural sway of your hips with each step. Loving yourself first is the only way you can allow any one else to love you truly. Confidence and comfort in your skin is what men see and what they are inevitably attracted to.

I for one find myself to be very attractive and many men find me very attractive simply because of my confidence. I am not remotely close to being the next Victoria Secret Angel with my 80lbs I need to lose according to my doctor, but that doesnt mean that I cant fill out lingerie better than they can ;-)

I dont believe at the end of the day sexual frustration is ultimately about the sole act of penetration. There are plenty of men out there that just want some and are more than happy to get it any way they can. The problem is acquiring a meaningful relationship that encompasses joy, affection, and fidelity. To have a safe person to explore the joys of intimacy without worry that your just being used. Whatever the form of coping is just to find an outlet for what can not be satisfied through intimacy. If that can be addressed vs how women that are fat that have low self esteem that cant have a man to love them because society doesnt find them attractive is ludicrous. Blaming men and society for everything is not a solution when you have the power to feel sexy in your own skin and feel confident. The question becomes when self-esteem, proposals for physical pursuits by men arent factors but a meaningful relationship is, how do you stop coping with food? Not saying that I NEED a relationship because I enjoy my freedom, not having to tell anyone where im going etc. But the joys of intimacy is what I want, in which causes the coping.

On a closing note, at the end of the day I want for all women to feel and know they are the sexiest woman in the world not because he/she told you so, but because they know so. And with every morning have a partner (of whatever orientation) wake up next to you every morning overjoyed at your presence because you chose them to share your world with.

Tasha

Eh. This article is mediocre at best. Not all women that are overweight have low self-esteem or need a man to validate their beauty and worthiness. Yes, men are superficial and can overlook another woman based on appearance. But when you have low self-esteem, at any weight that shines through more than anything else.

Taking pride in your womanhood, dressing yourself in something that makes you feel sexy, put on some lipgloss that accentuates your natural beauty, put on those heels so you can feel the natural sway of your hips with each step. Loving yourself first is the only way you can allow any one else to love you truly. Confidence and comfort in your skin is what men see and what they are inevitably attracted to.

I for one find myself to be very attractive and many men find me very attractive simply because of my confidence. I am not remotely close to being the next Victoria Secret Angel with my 80lbs I need to lose according to my doctor, but that doesnt mean that I cant fill out lingerie better than they can ;-)

I dont believe at the end of the day sexual frustration is ultimately about the sole act of penetration. There are plenty of men out there that just want some and are more than happy to get it any way they can. The problem is acquiring a meaningful relationship that encompasses joy, affection, and fidelity. To have a safe person to explore the joys of intimacy without worry that your just being used. Whatever the form of coping is just to find an outlet for what can not be satisfied through intimacy. If that can be addressed vs how women that are fat that have low self esteem that cant have a man to love them because society doesnt find them attractive is ludicrous. Blaming men and society for everything is not a solution when you have the power to feel sexy in your own skin and feel confident. The question becomes when self-esteem, proposals for physical pursuits by men arent factors but a meaningful relationship is, how do you stop coping with food? Not saying that I NEED a relationship because I enjoy my freedom, not having to tell anyone where im going etc. But the joys of intimacy is what I want, in which causes the coping.

On a closing note, at the end of the day I want for all women to feel and know they are the sexiest woman in the world not because he/she told you so, but because they know so. And with every morning have a partner (of whatever orientation) wake up next to you every morning overjoyed at your presence because you chose them to share your world with.

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