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Why Do Most People Prefer a Monogamous Relationship with a Significant Other?

This article was written as a response to the question: Why do the far greater majority of people crave relationships with an exclusive person?

Do most people prefer monogamous relationships in the truest sense of the word? Amos Oz, the 69 year old Jewish author and philosopher said, "Most people are not monogamous by nature, and the socioeconomic pretexts for the traditional family have expired in many parts of the world."Actually few people in the western culture have ever practice true monogamy either socially, sexually, genetically or maritally where the pair remained together until death separated them. Most people of the western culture have always practice serial monogamy rather than true monogamy.

The United States was founded on Judeo-Christian principle that teaches us from the cradle on that God expects us to be monogamous. The church affirms that God expects a man and his wife to be monogamous based on Jesus’ teachings in Matthew Chapter 19 Verses 3 through 6. Jesus cited Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 27 and Genesis Chapter 2 Verse 24 as evidence that monogamy was Gods will for us. Because this country was formed on Judeo-Christian beliefs what the Bible taught as being right became the bases for society’s mores, folkways and statutory laws. The truth is that monogamy is really contrary to mans (meaning men and women) nature.

For years men practiced monogamy not so much out of their fear of God but out of their fear of the social and legal consequences for violating social norms and statutory laws. It was also a way to control what sex acts married couples engaged in behind closed doors. To this very day many form of sex, even between consenting adults can land one in jail. Oral sex is illegal in 17 states and the District of Columbia. An erection that is visible in a man’s pants is illegal in 17 states and the District of Columbia. In the state of Georgia, for example, any one prosecuted for oral or anal sex can receive anywhere from 1 to 20 years in prison if convicted. In the state of Nevada it’s actually illegal to have sex without using a condom. To move from the ridiculous to the sublime, how about this one: In Willowdale, Oregon, it’s actually against the law for a man to talk dirty to his wife during sex. Granted that few of these laws were ever enforced but just their presence on the books was enough to keep many people from engaging in them. At least that was the status quo until the sexual revolution rolled over us, if you’ll forgive the pun, in the 1960s.

The 1960s brought us the Women’s Liberation movement, the burning of the bra, the hippies and the open cohabitation between unmarried couples. It was the beginning of the era of free love. Some people would say that instead of moving forward to a more sexually liberated society we actually moved backwards 2, 000 years to the time of ancient Greece and Rome when men and women lied by an entirely different sexual code and sexual moral standards. Was that good or bad? Personally I think that it was good because it allowed everyone to live sexually according to what they felt was right for him or herself.

Do most people really want monogamous relationships with one person? Recent studies in human sexual behavior show that 80 percent of all married couples have had at least one extramarital affair during their marriage. That can be broken down to over 40 percent of all married women and 60 percent of all married men. Today, according to yet another study, 25 percent of all married couples engage in wife swapping. The same study showed that over a third of all young married couples practice an open marriage relationship.

Everyone’s sexual needs are different. Some women have sex drives so strong that no one man could ever satisfy them. What’s wrong with a woman like that having intimate friends to help her get through the day? For others, variety truly is the spice of life and they need variety in their sex lives to keep from becoming bored with their spouse or significant other.

My personal view has always been that there is a big difference between love and sex and I have always felt that you could love one person while having great sex with many. I think that the problems arise when people, both men and women feel that they need to be in total control of their mate’s sexual conduct. Many men also feel that their masculinity, their manhood, is being questioned or threatened if their mates have sex with other men. Contrary to what my Religion teaches, I feel that every man and woman should be free to enjoy all the sexual pleasures that their bodies have to offer them.

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Comments (1)
Praxis

Only men benefit from polygamy...this article ignores so much, such as the idea that jealousy is as hard wired in as as is non-monogamy. Polygamy mostly exists when women's rights are suppressed, and they are treated a slaves. And what if a man's wife gets knocked up by one of her 12s of lovers? Is it all good? People need hobbies...

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